Bulwer-Lytton

Kaylee Salazar

Apr. 11 2014

Historical Fiction:

There once was an old person who lived in ancient times and did old people things because there was nothing else to do since there was no iPhone, no Facebook, no YouTube, no Instagram, no Pinterest, no notes app, no Tumblr, no fanfiction.net, no linkedin, no mycharger, no canvas, no walmart.com, no TikTok, no Snapchat, no...

Adventure:

As Harper traversed the thick bush that was the jungle in order to steal the artifact, she realized that she read the date wrong and was supposed to start the quest last year.

Sci-fi:

Laser tag would ordinarily be a great recreational game for a family, except that people kept forgetting that they were replaced by gamma rays.

Horror:

Sadie was a walking zombie with her matted hair and crepe skin and green skin beneath her eyes and slow ambulatory gait and moaning and groaning and lack of health care to properly deal with her depression.

Purple Prose:

She stood there, the wind in her hair, caressing it, licking the strands and writing script with them against the cerulean sapphire skin of the sky that spread across the terrain like silky butter across a warm, crusty bread made with three different kinds of wheat that can only be bought with a coupon on Sundays at 2.

Detective

On the third box of the fifth page of the calendar, also known as a Tuesday in May, the venerable, dashing leader of the freedom-defined nation, the president, realized that his small, fluffy, war-criminal hamster went missing.

The new sleuth that the dyslexia-ridden boss hired was a particular one indeed, partly because he was hairy, and small, and had long craggily nails, and was languid, and ate from every plant that he passed, and walked on all four legs, and clung to branches, and was a sloth.