From Doubt to Understanding: A Journey of Faith

Neha Jelemu

Contributing Writer

In today's world, the intersection of spirituality and commerce raises essential questions about how religion is practiced and experienced.

As an international student from Visakhapatnam, India, I have witnessed the commodification of spiritual practices—a phenomenon that challenges the essence of belief.

During my travels in India, I stumbled upon a remote village nestled among breathtaking landscapes. What truly captured my attention was not the scenic beauty but rather an unorthodox religious ritual unfolding before my eyes.

I watched as a group of individuals engaged in a highly unconventional ceremony that both confused and intrigued me. The scene unfolded with the solemn draping of a small cloth over a figure, eerily reminiscent of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. As fervent prayers and hymns filled the air, my gaze was drawn to a person claiming to channel the divine will of Jesus, piercing their palms in a dramatic display of devotion.

A myriad of questions flooded my mind. Why would individuals subject themselves to such extreme acts of faith? What compels them to perform rituals that defy conventional religious practices? Are they driven by genuine belief, or are there deeper psychological and social factors at play?

Having grown up in a family of faith, I often pondered the nature of belief. Does one's upbringing shape religious identity, or does faith arise from personal experience? Can it withstand the storms of doubt and ambiguity?

As someone who values practicality and logic, I struggled with these questions—until an experience challenged my skepticism. One night, in the depths of sleep, I had a vision that defied rational explanation. In this dream, an onion appeared before me. Its layers symbolized the protection and care I could rely on, making me reflect on how faith often offers guidance in unexpected ways. Beliefs frequently emerge not through doctrine but through personal revelation.

Faith is not always found in miracles or dramatic signs. Sometimes, it emerges through the subtle symbolism of everyday life. Like an onion with its layers of protection, the divine offers grace and guidance—if we have the eyes to see and the heart to receive it.

In moments of darkness and illness, I have felt the presence of the divine. A quiet voice once penetrated the early hours of the morning: "I am with you." It was a reassurance that both shook and consoled me. In my mother’s embrace, my fears transformed into warmth—a revelation of a higher power.

These encounters set the stage for my spiritual journey. From an inner warning that helped me avoid disaster to a comforting presence in the middle of suffering, I recognized these moments as intricate messages from God, deepening my faith.

However, faith is not impervious to doubt. Questions plagued my heart whenever my aspirations were crushed, and my visions clashed with reality. Why should I continue on this path when another option seemed easier? Amid the uncertainty, a familiar voice echoed, reminding me to trust the unseen hand guiding my steps.

Religious observance is deeply tied to theology and culture. Observing the Russian Orthodox Church’s standing worship practices in America, I contemplated the significance of enduring physical discomfort in religious devotion. The Russian Orthodox tradition associates standing during liturgy with reverence, humility and endurance before the divine. This contrasts with the seated, prayer-oriented approach more common in India.

Why should we worship God through difficulty? From a theological perspective, enduring physical discomfort during worship can be seen as a spiritual discipline fostering perseverance, self-control and detachment from worldly distractions. While standing worship may seem intimidating, it serves as a reminder that different traditions emphasize different aspects of faith. Ultimately, the posture of worship should align with one's beliefs and spiritual needs, striking a balance between physical comfort and heartfelt devotion.

As I navigate life's winding paths, I realize that faith is not a fixed destination but a continuous journey—a living connection with God that transcends human understanding.

In a world often marked by skepticism, my purpose is not to persuade but to remind: the divine speaks softly, awaiting our response. As Revelation 3:20 states, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.”

Through this journey, I have come to understand that faith is not just about the destination—it is about seeking meaning, understanding and a connection with something greater than ourselves. Even in doubt, there is room for growth. Faith takes shape through struggles, victories and revelations, forming a profound bond with the divine.

As we navigate the complexities of existence, may we open our hearts to the transformative power of faith, knowing that in communion with the sacred, we find solace, strength and meaning.