What It Took

Sometimes it takes a shift, or a change. Sometimes, it takes a new environment. For me, it took a trip. That’s right, it took me a trip to Baltimore to finally get my question answered.

Maybe I couldn’t find the answer because I wasn’t asking around, but that’s just because I thought that the answer would have come from within. Ever since my drive and work ethic had changed toward my academics, I’ve been asking myself why did the change happen? What is so different about this time that is different from the last? 

It has caused me to beat myself up about it because this isn’t the Sweeden I know or the Sweeden that others knew. Back in high school, I had a couple obstacles that I powered through with ease. I did well in school and even got a job and did well at that too. I was resilient and couldn’t see myself as anything other than that. 

But then I got to college, and the obstacles I faced in high school were still the same in college but a tad more challenging. It didn’t matter because at the time, I believed if I could tackle it in high school then I was more than capable in college. Yet, that mindset slowly caused me to take on more and more until I could no longer handle the challenges.

What I’m trying to say is that I took on a lot, much more than I could handle, not because I was trying to impress anyone but because I believed I had to. I had to do it for my family and for myself. And before I knew it, I had completely drained myself. It became too much and my environment wasn’t helping. I was randomly placed with a roommate and I couldn’t feel comfortable in my own room so as a result I spent the majority of my day in my suite’s common area. Spending my time there was alright but I lived with 11 other girls at the time, meaning there wasn’t much down time for myself. I was stressed with having to pack and unpack my bags every weekend since I always went home. I’m not saying that I didn’t appreciate any of those things but at times it became chaotic and it didn’t help me while I was taking on so much. I’ve never seen it that way though, as I just thought hanging out in the suite meant always being around my friends and that going home meant

being in my own bed and always getting to my laundry at home instead of in the dorms.

So, what does any of this have to do with What It Took? Well, this fall break I took a trip to Baltimore. I went to see my best friend and learn what her college life is like in person. Toward the end of the trip we went to a pop-up market where craft vendors set up at a food court. We walked around for a bit, grabbed lunch and sat down and talked for hours. We brought up so much stuff from our high school days and things that have been keeping us up at night. I brought up to her how I was feeling and the questions I’ve constantly been asking myself. I figured that since she had known everything I’ve been dealing with, her insight from an outside perspective could be useful. She said that the opportunity to always be around my friends and have a good time and to go home every weekend is great but it’s such a different atmosphere than what I had during high school. 

She said that yes, while you got to spend most of your day hanging out with your friends in high school, once you got home you had down time all to yourself. You got to stay in your room by yourself, which gave you the time and chance to do your homework, assignments, and projects. Now that you’re in college, you no longer have that space to yourself. When you’re with your friends, you see them 24/7 because you live with them. And it’s not a bad thing, but it becomes apparent that you are lacking that alone time. That is the main difference with your college experience compared to high school. And all of what she said made sense to me. I never thought that I wasn’t getting alone time maybe because it didn’t bother me or maybe because I like always having someone around. But she was right. 

So what do I do with this realization? 

I have to be more intentional, and I have been. I now make time during my day to get alone time to complete my work. It took a lot of trial and error to figure out what work space and or environment works best for me when it comes to getting my work done. I’ve tried spaces on campus where everyone is locked in and doing their own work, I’ve tried study rooms in my dorm, I tried working around my friends but that never worked well. Sure, I might have gotten one thing done out of the many but that wasn’t enough. Then, one night, my roommate needed the room for herself. I didn’t know where to go because of the time of night and I didn’t want to bother anyone so, I went to the newsroom in Bergami. I went late one night where I ended up being all by myself and found that this would be the place I get most of my work done.

The newsroom provided me a quiet and comfortable space to do my work. And the great thing was that I could adjust the space to fit me the most. From messing around with the lights, setting up the couch in a specific way and playing YouTube videos or music on the room’s screen, I found the place that will allow me to get the most work done, becoming my equivalent of having my room back at home in high school.

So yes, sometimes it takes a shift. Sometimes it takes a change. It took me a trip to Baltimore to learn that the change in my environment made it difficult to thrive academically and that I needed to shift how I study and where I study.

I’m not saying you should book your next trip to Baltimore to find what you’re looking for. What I’m trying to say is that a change doesn’t have to be a scary or foreign thing, but that you can take it as a time to learn something about yourself especially if you’re traveling alone.