How the Sky Fell on Me (And Subsequently Ruined my Life)

SATIRE

No one ever in the wildest dreams ever expects to be viewed as THAT person. The person who ends up experiencing such a tragic event that they are forever known by it. They are marked by the thing that happened to them, the thing that is so unspeakable, so… traumatic. 

This is my story. 

My daily walks are part of my special routine and it is something that I pride myself in; they're my way to decompress after a hard day crossing the road. My path is always the same from the roads, past the school and right through the woods. I’ve done it everyday since I could remember. That all changed on Clucktober 29.

As I was coming to the clearing where I would typically enter the woods, I suddenly felt something hit my head.  It was a feeling I had never quite experienced before. It was a small but  mighty plop, leaving a small sting that lingered on my head. I reached up to grab it and found it was a small and round little thing that almost looked like it was wearing a hat. I immediately knew what it was… a piece of the sky.

My stomach dropped as I realized more and more what this meant. “THE SKY IS FALLING!” I yelled in a panic as I began to run the other way. 

I knew I needed to tell everyone and spread the news. They all needed to know what was happening. I mean who wouldn’t want to know that it’s their last day on Earth? Because I was in such a heightened state of worry, I zoomed through the street screaming “THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING.” 

On my way through town, I could see the panic being incited by everyone–mothers trying to shield their babies from the panic. Citizens speeding through the streets in an attempt to reach their loved ones. I felt terrible for the destruction caused by my message but it did not matter. I couldn’t stop until everyone knew what was happening. It was my duty to let them know.

I sped and sped as fast as any chicken could go until I made it to the town square, where I could share my news at the podium. As I confidently walked up to the podium, I was prepared to make my statement. I tapped on the microphone and was greeted with some quick minor feedback and the attention of all the citizens of Cluck Haven staring back at me. Through fear and nervousness I stood up and stated, “Citizens of Cluck Haven, as I am sure you heard today, during my regular 2:30 p.m. walk, a piece of the sky fell on my head.” Citizens began to shift from a state of panic to a blend of fear and intrigue as I spoke. “I am here to present you all with the piece that hit me.” 

The crowd's intrigue grew as I pulled out the round little brown thing with a hat once again. “May I present you all with a piece of the sky.” I had succeeded in letting the citizens know the horrific news and I could now present my findings. I pulled out the sky and held it proud for the world to see. But something changed. Suddenly the face that was once a look of intrigue turned into confusion and exasperation. I just couldn’t fathom why. 

“THAT’S AN ACORN YOU MORON!” I heard someone yell from the crowd.

Strings of screams and profanities were aimed at me as I tried to fight back, “IT’S THE SKY! I SWEAR IT IS! JUST LOOK! NO ACORN LOOKS LIKE THIS.”

But that was it. The people made their choice. The sky wasn’t falling, and me… I was just viewed as “crazy Chicken Little.”

Life would never be the same after that. The next few days were extremely hard to get through. I was shunned by all of my friends and the town decided it would be best if I went to a center for troubled chickens. Tysons Home for Future Dino Nuggets, they called it. When I was admitted, I brought the piece of the sky with me. Everyone here believes me but that's not enough. My own town disregarded my warning and shamed me. So now I’m here at Tysons, wondering how I can ever get Cluck Haven to understand that the sky is falling and it fell on me.

Thank you all for listening.