44 days until graduation

This week's entry is a little shorter, only because I'm kind of struggling to grapple with reality. It's been hard to think about the fact that I'm leaving the place I've called home for five years.

For those of you who don't know, my origin story starts in Indiana, then I moved to Pennsylvania and ended up here in Connecticut. Moving from Pennsylvania to Connecticut for college was one of the biggest risks I've ever taken, but it's been one that's paid off exponentially. So many things are important to me, and I established myself in a way that I never thought possible. I have become one of the most important people in others' lives and my own. I see myself as a hardworking and driven individual who truly wants to flourish in society. I want a good job, a stable income and a way to enrich people's lives.

My education has taught me that it is a luxury and made me even more grateful because of that idea. I have it, but I fought extra hard to keep myself here—and so did others.

After switching majors four times, I landed in the communications department and I've been here ever since. The last five years at the University of New Haven have taught me so much. It's a journey that has evolved in more ways than one. I'm no stranger to change because I moved so much like a kid. But as I get older, I find it harder to want to change because I find myself connecting even deeper with people as an adult. However, change is good, and change keeps us growing.

Aspects of change that I do look forward to are being able to restart myself to a new capacity. Ever since I was a kid, it's felt like I get to live different lives, and they are lives that I enjoy. Moving to a new place also gives me new experiences, which I take with me and incorporate. We as humans can never stop growing; if we do, it means we're closed to learning. Ideas like that make me even more appreciative of the things that I have.

Five years is a long time to dedicate yourself to something. It almost feels like the university and I have been in a relationship and are reaching the breakup stage. It's a silly analogy, but it's honestly the only idea that's been letting me process. Leaving my friends feels like I'm leaving a partner. I rely on them for our class projects, to help when I need some advice or just to look for a friendly face when passing in the halls.

Growing up is hard, but leaving people when you don't have a choice is difficult. We have FaceTime and modern technology, cars and plans, but it's not the same. There will only be one time in our lives when we were all 20, 21 and 22 sitting in the halls of our classrooms together.

It's not just leaving the friends and the memories of the education you've gained. You also leave teachers who become your mentors and almost a second parent. For me, at least in my department, I found solace in knowing that a lot of my professors are parents. I feel like they translate that very well into the way that they present situations with their students. It's made me feel like, in a way, this has become my home away from home. The generosity, kindness and understanding they all present are something I have not found in teachers in the past. The community they foster in their classrooms is exactly what has sparked me to go into grad school to pursue the ability to give this to others.

In a way, leaving will also be one of the hardest things because I feel like I'm leaving a piece of myself here. I worked so hard to establish myself here. Now my time is just up?

No one talks about the solemn hours that follow when you walk across that stage and leave the state. The routine that you've had for so long now becomes a distant memory. But it gives you a sense of nostalgia to look forward to the rest of your life. Every time I scroll through my phone and see pictures of the things I used to do, a rush of adrenaline crosses over my body. It makes me relive all the wild experiences that have ever happened to me and made me the person that I am. Like I said before, growing does not mean moving on but expanding your horizons.